雅思写作点评：Mandatory Retirement

Topic: Mandatory Retirement

In the recent years, whether mandatory retirement should be carried out has become a public focus. People’s attitudes towards it are divergent. Before presenting my stance, I intend to explore both sides of the hot issue.

Advocates hold the belief that mandatory retirement is beneficial to the whole community. First of all, mandatory retirement increases job opportunities for young people who have the energy to exploit and thus it is an effective way to ease the pressure of unemployment and help the development of companies. Moreover, it cannot be denied that an aging staff member (staff是集体名词，不能用于表示个人), physically and intellectually weak, is no longer capable of heavy manual work and seasoned with (be seasoned with “适应”的意思。Capable of 不能直接搭配rapid pace)rapid pace，such as aviators and surgeons （这个such as短语放在staff member后面比较恰当，但是要改成单数形式，such as an aviator or a surgeon。这里隔得太远。）. In addition, early retirees have more time to pursue personal favorites and communicate with family members, so the quality of family life can be improved.

Some other people, however, are strongly against mandatory retirement for several reasons. Primarily, it is a brazen violation of people’s basic right to work. Those people who are forced to retire early tend to feel isolated and abandoned. Furthermore, mandatory retirement will put a financial strain on the limited budget of the government as retired people mainly live on the state pension. Last but not the least (注意不要背错了！), it will be a waste of human resource. With rich working experience, old employees can be good advisors for the young and inexperienced personnel who may be less mature and rational. As an old saying goes, “the older, the wiser.”

In the final analysis, both sides have sound foundations. Personally, I am in favor of the latter. I believe age discrimination should not be allowed; mandatory retirement is a breach of people’s right to work whenever they are qualified. Therefore, mandatory retirement should be discouraged.
                                           （293）

点评：
1． 文章结构完整，论点论据充分。Good!
2． 基本没有语法错误，同时正确地混合运用简单句和复杂句。
3． 时态方面做得不错，没有错误，特别注意到了第三人称单数的问题。
4． 用词比较准确，但是还需要注意词组搭配以及一些词的用法。

估计分数：6－6.5分