新东方何钢谈写作：5分范文及症结分析

何钢    

许多同学考试时得了某个档次的分数而不知道其中的原因和症结所在。现贴上一篇5分作文供大家讨论。大家可以畅所欲言，发表自己的观点，提出建议。我将在10天以后贴出我的评讲。（何钢）

The university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, more and more people think that the university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. However there’s also a lot of people do not agree with them. In my opinion, the university provide student more practical training is very necessary.

First, when people come to university, most of them is more than 18 years old, so they have ability to teach-self. That means student can learn theoretical knowledge mainly by self-teaching rather than by lessons.

Second, in modern society, the practical ability is becoming more and more important. But in school, students rarely have chance to practice themselves. The most of their life is compare with lots of books rather than practical training. Therefore when graduating from university, many students find them can not adapt social working requirement. That makes them frustrated. If this situation happens, it’ll be the failure of high education of the university.

Third, the target of high education is to bring up person with ability for society. The ability can be understood in two points: one is theoretical ability, the other is practical ability. As a result, the practical training is also a very import part in high education. Many universities gradually know that practical training is necessary but most of universities do not make enough effort or even give enough attention to this main task. Thus they could not really complete their duty.

So I agree that should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training.

 
点评：
这篇5分作文的问题所在

第一段话问题多多。首句照抄题目，要扣分，正确做法是改写(paraphrase)。试改为：It has been a common belief that practical training, instead of theoretical knowledge, is what university students truly lack and therefore should become the major task of university education.第二句话是串句（一句话里有两个动词）：However there’s also a lot of people do not agree with them.应改为：However there are also a lot of people who do not agree with them.或者However a lot of people do not agree with them.但是这句话最好删掉，因为是不折不扣的废话。第三句话同样是串句。可改为：It is necessary for the university to offer students with more opportunities of practical training.

第二段话只有两句话，论证不充分，何况还是个歪理。试想：如果学生过了18岁就有能力自学，因此理论知识可以主要*自学而不是*上课这样的说法能成立的话，那么难道学生上大学就是为了找个自习教室呆着？

第三段话和第四段话虽然有不少语言表达不得体甚至错误的地方，而且论证也不够充分，但基本上还是切题的，具备6分左右的水准。

文章结尾似乎生怕考官不知道作者会使用首尾呼应的写作手法，又照抄了一遍题目。这回呼应倒是做到了，可是由于照抄将不被计算进入总字数，更何况连抄都抄错了，宾语从句里少了主语，属严重语法错误。

这样一来，文章就只有5分了。至于高分作文，如8分怎样写，请参见我另外的帖子。

何钢