新东方何钢谈写作：4分范文及症结分析

许多同学考试时得了某个档次的分数而不知道其中的原因和症结所在。现贴上一篇4分作文供大家讨论。大家可以畅所欲言，发表自己的观点，提出建议。我将在10天以后贴出我的评讲。（何钢）

The university should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give students more practical training. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, recruiting exhibitions holds frequently in many cities, especially in Beijing. Students graduating from universities and colleges lately are usually anxious and worried to take part in because quite a lot of them could not find a satisfying job. What makes it so serous?

It’s no doubt that there are several reasons why employers don’t want to employ new graduated students. But it is most likely that these students lack of practical knowledge about reality.

China used to adopt the old educational system hesitated from Soviet Union. In the past 50 years, Chinese students learnt the same subjects with the same books without any change. But since China has adopted opening policies, the economy of China changed and developed enormously. It requires a lot of talented young people to play important roles in this change. People have to go on learning after work about modern knowledge of Business, Accounting, Computer, Laws, etc. Here raises a question why don’t we handle it in schools, university, or college.

It is time to make a real change to add practical knowledge in the subjects that students learn today.

何钢点评：

这篇4分作文的最大症结

文章最主要的问题是严重跑题。至于结构和语言，此处不论及。

第一段话只是谈到大学生就业难的现状，而没有对题目中的问题做出任何回应。

第二段话只是回答了第一段话的问题，稍有触及practical abilities，但还是没有回答题目中的问题。

第三段话用了很多篇幅讲述中国大学所存在的教学内容陈旧，脱离实际的问题。但是这只是举例说明加描述，而不是对于题目的分析和解答。

文章直到结尾才真正谈到问题的焦点，可是为时已晚。

事实上，跑题(digression)现在已经成为许多考生最需要解决的问题。

有关5分怎样变6分及8分作文，请参看我的另外的文章。

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