一次成功的雅思写作复议

学生第一次来邮:

我的写作成绩值得复议吗?

赖老师,

您好. 我是您108期周末班的龚雪媚. 在您批改的作文中大多得6+, 您对我的评语就是英语表达超6,组织得好就能拿7的那位同学.

我在9月23日参加的考试,写作居然只有5分.那次的大作文写的是"越来越多的人开私家车,说说优点和缺点".我是这样写的:

优点:私家车能繁荣经济, 特别是汽车工业.

     方便, 能随时随地到任何地方,不用象公交车一样限定线路和时间.

     舒适, 不用挤公交车.

缺点:令道路更堵塞,特别是上下班高峰期.

     汽油供应短缺,很多私家车需要排队加油(以广州为例)

     造成更多的环境污染.

结尾: 认为开私家车的缺点大于优点.

考完出来自我感觉良好, 不知是否我这样写离题了才得个5分, 还请赖老师指点.

我这样写可以拿6分吗? 我想申请成绩复议, 值得这样做吗?

赖老师回复:

yes,i think u'd better go for an application of reevaluating.  anyway, i’ll still need to tell u some mistakes u made.

now let me try to simulate how the examiner was looking at your task2 n then drew such a stupid conclusion.

the first idea(advantage) is not based on comparison and contrast----more private cars help boom the car manufacturing industrya not a right idea. but the second one hits the point---convenience. how about the drawbacks? traffic jams caused---hmmmm..good idea. more pollution is created---good too. but queue to fill up tanks with gasoline----hmmmm...u might not express it in a coherent way.

after all, u included one good point for the positive side n one for the negative side. i believe u definitely deserve a chance to get band 6. the examiner probably only read the first bit of the advantages n then turned to briefly examine the last part and hence marked your paper like this. if u apply for reassessing, the entire paper( two tasks) will be scrutinized by another examiner, n the good points will not be missed. this is why i tend to encourage u to have a try.

if unclear, call me .

good luck! 

Andrew

学生最后来邮

I'm glad to tell you that my writing is re-marked as band 6. Thank you very much for the encouragement, otherwise I may lose the confidence to apply the remark.

(由广州仲恺雅思培训中心赖劲松老师提供)