雅思作文修改：科技加大贫富差距

今天给一个学生改了作文，发现一个多数人都会有的问题，就是“不扣题”，贴上来给大家看一下

题目：2009年1月10日

Task 2: some people believe the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between poor peole and rich people.Others think it is having an opposite effect.

Discuss these points of view.What is your opinion.

A  gap for the range of technology which benefits individuals among poor peole and the rich ones that has became a hot-debated issue nowadays.Someone believe that it has increasing while the others hold the oppsite opinion. 这句可以省略不用

Obviously,peole hold the points of that the gap has been increasing maybe for the following reasons; first,the advanced technology bring many benefits for people especially the rich ones,just because the news ones that has always published rarely and costly.Like the smart mobilephone, navigation,searching the Internet.sending emails and many convient funtions can make you keeping tha pace of modern society.However this kind of fashionable luxuries are bound to be owned by the minority.Furthermore give them the high level living satandard and more opportunities to gain more wealthes,

On the contrary, there exists the opposite views.The others hold the view that technology can decreasing the gap.The updated technology can bring many commounicated means to the rural areas.The TVs, the radioes even the Internet,can make the poor peole’s mind out of the boxes.They can acquaint themselves with the moderm society and develop their economic.And the technology can bring more servicing facilities and transportation means.More enterprises would invest their funds in these areas.This trend can bring more money to them,and decrease the gap at the same time.

Overall:every coin has two sides.So technology can bring advantages also the disadvantages.By that I mean that the new world which creates by the technology for the poor peole can also accumulate more treatures for the rich ones.We can’t consider it in just one side.But I think the macro-economic controls and many measures can be taken to solve these problems.

你的这篇四段式的作文整体的思路是不错的，特别是中间两段的论据很好，问题在于两个中间段落的主题不是很扣题。

题目说：有人认为科技发展加大贫富差距，其他人认为科技发展有相反的作用（也就是缩小贫富差距），而你在第一个中间段落，只是说了科技发展给富人更多的好处，没有点出会加大贫富差距，同样第二个中间段落也没有紧扣“科技发展缩小贫富差距”

最后一段表明观点，也有问题，这个题目无法中立，因为要不然就是加大，要不就是缩小，你不能说既加大又缩小。你表明的观点变成了：科技发展既有好处又有坏处，这个跟题目问的完全不一样。